Good To Be heard

"There is no therapy for songwriters. Songwriters go to therapy and the therapist says, ‘Yeah, you’ve..."

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 02:11:20 -0700

“There is no therapy for songwriters. Songwriters go to therapy and the therapist says, ‘Yeah, you’ve got me, I have never heard of that.’ We go into rooms and we see things that aren’t there and we balance that somehow with also being a normal person. Something I like to call, ‘Dear God, please make me crazy enough to keep on dreaming, but normal enough to sleep once in a while.”

- John Mayer

Thoughts After Midnight

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 01:31:00 -0700

Its wild how fast things turn around. One minute you’re fine, with no fears, not a care in the world. The next you’ve got eighty seven different problems all needing an answer right away. How does this work? Why did this happen? What should I do now? Where do I go from here? Its just this crazy roller coaster that takes us through life. I’m not sure really how things get to the point where they are overwhelming, and if I were to be totally honest, I’m still not even remotely close to learning how to overcome being overwhelmed. If I learn though, I’ll try to write out a detailed description on the best way to navigate it. My life for the last few months has been a constant shoot-from-the-hip, day-by-day battle. One fight at a time. I was told once that if you win enough battles, eventually you win the war. I’m ready to do one of two things: win the war, or stop battling. I’m growing very weary of the stress level that I so easily hide from. I’m becoming increasingly weary of having to fight to make everything happen. I’m finding though that even in all this struggle, I still don’t have the desire to give up. Somehow, no matter how much I complain, or criticize, or complicate my life and it’s process right now, I don’t have the heart to just give up. Maybe its a misplaced belief that if I do people will judge me, or the simple self-destructive thought that if I were to quit, I would be letting people down, or worse, I’d be letting myself down. So many times throughout the day I find myself wandering in my head, trying to find the next trail, what the next turn holds for or from me. To some extent, I sometimes think I’m ahead of myself, and it takes a while to get reality in line with where I am in my head.

Relationships has always been a huge thing in my life, and I feel like it has been a driving force in this page here. But if I really sit back and look at my life, and all my friendships and relationships, I’d have to say that in reality, I know very little about them. My best friend for the last few years has been a Fender guitar. Somehow I found a way to like making music more than I like making friends. Getting back into a life with people has been somewhat of a culture shock, which is a really interesting phenomenon. I have met people and been in rooms full of friends, and all I want to do is go back to my room, grab my guitar and somehow find that center of gravity again. I have had friends in the not too distant past go through some trying times as far as relationships go. It’s rough to see my friends hurt like that. Me being the over analytical, defiantly loyal person that I am, I feel things for them. I take on their pain. I’ve felt for them. I know, I know this sounds so plastic, but in reality, I have been given the unique ability to feel for others, and I actually enjoy it. My relationships have taught me very little about the opposite sex, but have in fact, taught me so much about myself in so little time. I have found that I am susceptible to falling for the idea of someone rather than the person themselves. I, again, get too far ahead of myself, and over think the tiniest things. Within about five minutes of a guy meeting a girl, he has already entertained the thought of dating her, or friending her. If he thinks he could date her, within a week he has entertained the idea of marrying her. My mind does this without any help from my heart or whatever else could possibly be driving me. I can hear one story about how her family life isn’t perfect, and I mentally break the thought of her being eligible for anything. There will come a day when I will meet a girl, and my mind won’t wander off, it won’t be four miles ahead, it will be still. Stuck in that moment. Silent in the presence of a force that has not been met yet. When that day or night comes, I will be completely and overwhelmingly paralyzed in her gaze. I cannot wait for this day, and I wish the same thing for everyone who reads this. That someday you feel about someone the way you want to feel about them. That happily ever after feeling you’ve known all your life. That that feeling will become a complete and real entity in your life by manifestation of that relationship. Until then, I will enjoy the friendships I have and try to learn how to grow them, and cultivate new ones. I hope you do the same.

An Ode to, Oh So Many...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 23:23:34 -0700

The fact that I’m even on here means somethings either wrong, or I’ve just learned something that I find important enough to take the time to sit down and write it out for you. I suppose its possible that both could occur simultaneously. I’m not even sure where to start on this one, and due to a lack of anonymity on the social network universe, I will once again be very ambiguous. I have over the years developed a slight enjoyment for the things in life that hurt the most. Not in a masochistic sense, but in an ever expanding pursuit to grow and become more mature, whatever that means. Its this thing I’ve told myself for years now, “Enjoy the process, even if the circumstances aren’t enjoyable”. The process of healing is my favorite scenario to pick on, only because it seems to be the most frequent in my life, and in the lives of those around me. Healing, emotionally speaking, is a process of somehow justifying all you know to be true, and accepting it- good or bad. They aren’t into you. They’re in love with you. They don’t want to be around right now. You’ve got too much time on your hands and can’t seem to get your mind off them. Even if the words are hard to hear, or swallow, or stomach, you need to hear those words. Closure is part of the process. Taking that option off the table is a very necessary part of the process, if for no other reason than sanity’s sake. If you keep holding that option out in front of you, it will drive you crazy. On a different note, one of the best ways to cope or just deal with the pain of heartbreak, or rejection, or most kinds of pains come to think about it, is to just sit in a quiet room, with the lights off, and just be. Exist in that moment, and let your mind wander off alone. Chase the rabbit trials in your head, and find a way to say you’ll be ok. Find a way to be alright. Find a way to move on, to take the next step, and the step after that. I’m going to try it, again, and again until I get it right. It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to go crazy. It’s ok to wake up at odd hours of the morning to just stare at the ceiling. It’s all part of the process. Learn to enjoy the process. Until next time…

I’m not usually in a mood like this in the middle of the...

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 14:47:54 -0800

I’m not usually in a mood like this in the middle of the day, but this is absolutely incredible! Take a listen…

cuntcore: his pledge to her. i will kill the spiders. i will...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 11:58:33 -0800

cuntcore:

his pledge to her.

i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.

I will do this.

macyreyna: ding-ang-bato: Being a girlfriend. Being a...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 11:54:27 -0800

macyreyna:

ding-ang-bato:

Being a girlfriend.

Being a girlfriend is not just about being beautiful and attractive for your guy. It’s not just about letting him chase you, letting him do sweet things every time you’re mad at him and not just receiving flowers and gifts during your anniversaries. It’s not about doing those girly things just to get his attention and not just about feeling mighty every time he did everything you want. It’s also being an emotional partner wherein you support him in every opportunity that he takes, you appreciate everything that he does for you and you thank him for doing it, you remind him on the things he must do and what he must not. Just because you know that you can always keep him on his feet, doesn’t mean you can manipulate him. You understand him not just as a partner but as individual too. you help him in every way showing him, that in a relationship, there’s no “I” or “you”, there’s only “we” and “us”. You know also that a man has their ego, and even when it become a little irritating sometimes, you still understand that it’s a part of his nature. A girlfriend is not just a term, it also has responsibilities that every girl must know. You’re a friend, a sister, a second mom, a teacher, and a best friend.

THIIIIIIIS

I want one like this. Beautifully said.

Slipping

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 19:21:00 -0800

Do you ever feel like your slipping back into an older version of yourself? Like, you’ve spent so much time working on you, and suddenly a situation arises, and instead of thinking about it logically, you subconsciously revert back to your old ways of thinking. It’s happening to me, but I’m doing my best to handle things the way I want to know, not the way I used too. I think even by writing on here about this, is one way of reverting back to the old way of doing things. Its such an impressive phenomenon, the way we strive so hard for something, and once we get it, we don’t know what to do with it. I have worked vigorously on the way I run my life, the way I think, how I react to life, and in the last couple of weeks, I have felt myself slipping back into my over-analytical, hyper-critical, and slightly controlling self. If things aren’t done how I want, or when I want, or they are going to fast, or they pull me out of my comfort zone (which seems to be ever shrinking), I immediately find myself with in a rather frustrated mood. In the last four years of my life, I have learned that I cannot control most things that happen to me. I have gained a significant amount of responsibility in the workplace, and in the few relationships I have, and I have become accustomed to that responsibility. When it is challenged, or I feel like I’m losing it, I quickly examine the situation, and react for what is right for me at that time, without thinking of the long/short term advantages/disadvantages. I’m challenging myself to just relax, and trust that everything will work out. I will probably always be an over-analytical mind because that’s how I’m wired, but I’m learning to use it to my advantage instead of slipping back into old ways. Just something to think about…

Happy 35th birthday John. Thank you for your music, and your...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 09:22:18 -0700

Happy 35th birthday John. Thank you for your music, and your influence on music. #iphonesia #instagood #photooftheday #iphoneonly #love #igers #tweegram #jj #instamood #instagramhub #picoftheday #bestoftheday #igdaily #instadaily #webstagram #instagramers #statigram #jj_forum #ignation #igaddict (Taken with Instagram)

Someone stole my entire rig a few months ago, with some help...

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 13:11:22 -0700

Someone stole my entire rig a few months ago, with some help from my family and church I was able to rebuild a rig and even upgrade what I had. This it so far, got a few more things on their way… EBJrVol>Cry Baby Wah>TU2>Berhinger Dynamic Comp>Keeley Katana>BD-2>TS808>Blues Breaker 2>TS10>Fulltone FD2 MOSFET>AMP SHO clone>CS9>Aqua Puss>DD20 all running into a Fender Blues Deluxe. Questions, ask!

Sinking Ships

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 00:24:32 -0700

The ocean floor’s no place for a man,
Who’s righteous anger leads him.
He’ll fight till hell, through flame and sand,
Though pain brings tears through bleeding.

Sunk is the ship that was his pride,
The stars are leading onward.
Feel the pain, the teeth, the bite,
In keeping his sunken honor.

Feel the joy, now let it go,
Don’t give in to the pleading.
Thoughts in his head that feel like home,
Shine as the stars still leading.

Though little life is seen from here,
The search continues on.
The looking for the one who hears,
His calling from the dawn.

The worn wood deck of his calloused heart,
Would be the hardened armor,
That proved to be the weakest part,
Protecting not his honor.

Keeping sights ahead, he calls again,
Hoping just to hear her,
The faintest cry, the loudest scream,
All for his heart’s whisper.

See, in his endeavor, he seeks to find,
The longing of his heart.
Sadly though, through tempest time,
He’ll find they’ve grown apart.

Fight for your heart, defend its name,
Give glory for its place.
Surrender to love, only to tame,
Your heart to its lovely face.

My Stupid Mouth

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:57:53 -0700

Has got me in trouble, I said too much again…

Exit The Parade: Let's Draw Something Together

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:10:41 -0700

Exit The Parade: Let's Draw Something Together:

exittheparade:

Did you know that there are over 500,000 apps available for the iPhone, and a few weeks ago the Apple app store reached their 25th billion download. That is an amazing feet not just for Apple but technology as well. I personally own an iPhone, and have it least 50 apps that I use constantly to…

I want my bubble back...

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:13:44 -0800

If you are ever lucky enough to meet someone who will divide your life into the time before you met, and the time after, cherish that moment. For me, it wasn’t a person, but a place. The saddest part about it though is that I didn’t know it until after we parted ways. I miss BU. I miss my friends, my room, my life there. I hope one day to find this happiness somewhere else, but until then, I’ll just keep hoping. Cheers.
KP

A late night confession...

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 01:00:59 -0800

So at the risk of sounding like a pathetic and desperate loser, I’m going to spill for a sec. In the last few years, I’ve had this fear, it sometimes overwhelms me. It cripples me when I need strength the most. It chokes me from saying and doing things that I so wish I had done. I am afraid of failure. I know, I know, everyone is afraid of failing, but I mean it really has hindered the way I’ve lived my life. I’m not super outgoing, I’m not aggressive all the time, I’m silently competitive, but I would rather lose than hurt someone or have them think less of themselves. I’m not humble, and so sometimes those two worlds clash. I’m learning though, that I am more than able to balance those two things and be a better rounded person because of it. So, why then do I tell you that I’m afraid of this thing? Because I am afraid of one thing more than anything else. I’m afraid of hurting anyone. I’ve lost multiple relationships because I didn’t speak up and say what I really wanted. I let them walk out the door so to speak, without speaking at all. Because I wanted a friend for sure than the possibility of a broken heart. Before I go on, let me explain this, and it is going to all tie together, just hang on and keep reading… It is possible for someone to like more than one person at a time. With that said, here is what I am currently going through.

I’ve liked this girl for a long time now. Over a year. I’ve had a few other interests here and there, but overall, I’ve said all along, if this one girl would ever date me, I’d be hers. Hands down. I’m kinda sick of waiting. Really sick. She doesn’t live near me at the moment due to the drama of life and the scourge we call college, but I want her. I mean, I am head over flipping heals about this girl. I know she and I don’t always get along, and I know that that is mostly my fault (I know I’m not always the easiest person to get along with), but I really like her. I’m thinking about doing something a little drastic, and out of character for me, but I feel its time to get over the fear of what could be, for the possibility of what could be. I have been thinking a lot about the last time something like this happened to me, and in the last six years, I haven’t forgotten it. I’m not going to make the same mistake again. At least this time I’ll know I tried. I’ll have over come my greatest fear. If I fall, I fall. If something better happens, I’ll let you in on all the juicy details. Promise. (You’ll hear from me either way…) If your still reading at this point, thank you for letting me vent and share this late night confession with you, now, slip under the covers, put a smile on your face, close your eyes, and sleep well.

Sometimes...

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:09:01 -0800

Sometimes my heart aches so bad I think it’s going jump right out of my chest. Then I see her or something that reminds me of her, and I get the same feeling. I guess it’s probably better then that I live without her. At least this way I won’t have to delete as many photos…

Ventilation

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 01:38:32 -0800

I know this is going to sound like it’s completely out of the blue, but I don’t think to this point in my life I have a single friend that I can just talk to, and really vent to, and they can just take it. Not say anything, not try to fix anything, not offer suggestions, just take it. I have such a voracious need to express my thoughts and be heard for me, and I want to just open to someone and tell them the thoughts in my head and the things that I want to say, without them reacting to it at all, in any way. I want them to look me in the eye the whole time, and when I’m done spewing, say, “What your feeling is valid.” And that’s all I want them to say. I haven’t met anyone who is man enough to just sit there and listen. I listen to my friends and am nothing more sometimes than a vent, that they know they can call, and I’m not going to say anything, I’m not going to force-feed my opinion down their throat, I’m just going to listen and validate their expression of their feelings. I need this in my life, not for the sake of saying I have this person, or this relationship there for me, but for the sake of sanity. I’m tired of explaining my feelings to myself at night before I go to sleep, or writing them down where I pray to God no one finds them. I want them to be heard, filed, and thrown away. I’m prone to saying somethings that I don’t think I mean. I think that without hearing myself say somethings, that I am only hurting myself by pinning those things on the imaginary bulletin board in my head. I am sick of seeing the same few articles on that board and reading them over and over and thinking, “People would love this!” I feel though that I have the need to have those thoughts or feelings validated by a neutral party before I express them to someone else so that I hear that they are being heard the way I want them to be heard, the way I think them. I am finding that I have a hard time relaying what I am thinking into words that I actually mean. I need that vent in my life. Just something to think about…

jhnmyr: Here’s a clip of the first single off Born and Raised,...

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 00:23:19 -0800

jhnmyr:

Here’s a clip of the first single off Born and Raised, called “Shadow Days.” I’m excited to share the first bit of sound from the album… Been looking forward to a post like this since October 14, 2010, the first day I started writing this group of songs. Enjoy.

Cannot wait to here the rest!

True story

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 23:51:22 -0800

True story

Learning...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:29:14 -0800

I used to lay awake, wondering, “what should I write about next?” Nowadays, I find myself being so busy that I don’t really have time to write about things that I would like to write about. I don’t think I’ve had a lot of time to think for myself lately. I’ve been working three jobs and taking sixteen units a semester for the last two semesters, and I think I need a break from being me. I wish so bad I could split my life into two lives so that I could enjoy life more. I know that I have been given so much, and I feel that if I had two lives living this one, it could be properly savored. I don’t like to feel like I’m barreling through life. I find also that I am once again growing tired of being alone. I think I’ve been single for so long that I find myself reaching for anyone in sight. over the last two years or so I’ve come to know a few girls that easily made the qualifications for being Mrs. Popineau. I don’t know why things didn’t work out for any of us, but I don’t want to feel desperate. I finally liked being single, and having a life to myself, but for some reason, finding someone I can be with seems to be coming up quite often in conversations. Parents are asking, friends are asking, and I think even my own sub conscience is asking, “When are you going to get back up on your feet and try to love again?” See, for so long now, or what feels like so long, I have decided just to shut off my heart as much as possible and dive into what I deemed important. But now I’m feeling what once was a spring heart turned into a frozen, hardened heart, beginning to thaw out. I guess only time will tell who takes this heart, but God has a plan and I know that she is going to be one amazing woman! For now, that’s the update. Hope you are all doing well.

I Feel

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:34:22 -0800

A crush coming on…strong. Excited and nervous, it’s good to be back!